The Day My God Died. 07.13.03

How does a decade feel like last night? My heart still aches and I hold back tears from the pain of missing my father. I deal with it in healthier ways nowadays and I am thankful that my binge alcoholic habit has been killed and I'll toast to kale juice instead. I hold memories of my dad's morals, sayings, temperament reactions as I bleed my dads traits and I do the right thing as he'd want me to. That's the only way he's still a part of my life. 10 years ago at his workplace memorial, I was overwhelmed by the caring support from kind strangers. One lady had a moment with me and told me that even though he's not here, I can still be strong and do good for my life and make him proud of that. I took her advice and my spirit ran and ran and continues to run the infinite marathon of life. I'm not sure how different my life as just Amy would have evolved...would I have finished college? Would I still be friends with my enemies? Would my cynicism still exist? Over the years since my dad left, I've built the will to go hard all day. And its my experience with losing my family that drives me to climb. So even though I do wonder the "what if's", it makes sense that the universe has conspired for me to go through some Kite Runner shit and enforce the lessons that transformed me into a person that does not take shit for granted.

Psychology has suggested that girls like guys that share similar attributes to their fathers. I think that some of that is true and that some of the guys I dated were just stretch marks to their mothers' bodies. Luckily I found my love and I know my dad approves. He's my Space Oddity, hero, best friend and lifeline, like my dad. He respects me and values me as his rarity. My dad would have been happy for me. And though I'll always mourn my loss as faded pictures & memories are a constant, I will abide to the promise made for my father on the day he was called home.

My life Started from the bottom and I'm still here.