The end of the decade.

It is gonna be official...a new year and a new decade. I am excited, relieve and optimistic for 2010 (I call it twenty-ten) as prospects and possibilities are miles away from daunting. The trippiest things that has happened these past few weeks are soooo incredibly rich in meaning, value and insight...the other night, I watched the Mike Tyson documentary and recieved auditory greatness from big Mike. That film is a hybrid of sensitivity, passion, self-connection, and reflectiveness, which encompasses how I feel about myself. For instance, Mike's telling of his childhood provided insight to the tramatic motivations that produces strong personalities and self-worth...being made fun of for being fat, having your shit thrown onto the back of a truck by some bitchass bullies, and inhumanely witnessing your pet pidgeon's breathe one last time as a sick person squeezes its soul...fuck the dumb shit. Money is motivation but hunger to earn self-respect will drive anyone to the top..."If I could be like Mike". I was mos def reminded about my life history and the experiences that built my heart of steel magnolias; partly tough yet delicate. The past decade has reminded me of how I was built...As I briefly reflect and remember the past decade, I can instantly recall my high and low moments, the lessons learned from shady bitches and insecure men, and getting by through the two loses who were my love. And from my recollections, I am able to make the connection to why I shined brightly in certain aspects and dealt with the drama without backing down...I was the same kid who got punked on during recess and who's presence was never graced. That shit will toughen you up like a muthafucka. Once I reached a certain age of autonomy for controlling how people recieve and treat me, I never went back to the same timid little girl. There were times when I got knocked down and fell into despair, but it was shaken off within the reasons for time. Out of the past decade, I have done shit that I am still beaming about. I graduated college and even got the goddamn gobernator's autograph on my diploma. SICK. I brought myself back to life from the deadly alcoholic state that I was swimming and drowning in. My love that engages me has engaged himself to me. Family business will stay only a business until (I really silently pray) stars guide them to what they want and need. And friendships are not suppose to me complicated, competitive, and shallow. So for 2010, my forward momentum will always have a backbone of last decade + the little girl with the fucked up childhood = Womanopoly. Pizzease.

Music Therapy: "Money to Blow" Birdman feat. Drake & Weezy -"I am what everybody in my past don't want me to be".