Target: Where Philosophical Epiphanies Arise.

I never leave empty-handed when I journey to my store Target, especially this time. When I went there last week with my main man, I ended up leaving with a shirt from the clearance rack, eye drops for applying eye shadows wet, some snacks, and a self-created realization, free of charge. While we were conversing throughout Target's cosmetic section, the topic of mothers & body image/issues came up, coincidently, in an area where abundant supplies of beautification products are displayed. As I unhappily recall the negative remarks my mother made about my body's shape & size, I, with provocation, spoke out-loud, "Mothers are the poison to their daughter's self-esteem"...and its true. Can you remember when your mom commented, criticized, reflected, constructively criticized, scrutinized, picked-on, made fun of, poked fun of, and unintentionally hurt your feelings/self-esteem/self-worth? Obviously, I do remember. Whenever my mother made comments about my weight or what I was eating, it made me overly self conscious about how my image appeared to cultural expectations and Hollywood's expectations. And although I am wiser, college bound, independent, and self-surviving, the little girl's mental tolerance still exists. SO, as it might be projection, the reason for my mother's "worry" on how her daughter looks is still damaging, like air's presence to exposed steel. The only way I cope with the corroded pieces of my self-esteem is by understanding my mother's past, our cultural stereotypes, female objectification in society, and remembering my values that I set for my life. At the end of the day, when the lights are out, body image becomes only what you can recall in the light...if you see yourself in a positive illumination, a FUCK size charts according to a MANufacture, a unique & individualized illumination, then you are on the path to contentment. Am I on this path? Absolutely. Since I am generally most content with having attainable goals, and losing weight is part of a realistic goal, I feel okay...especially when its dark, as I still dream in color form. Pizzeace.

Music Therapy: "It Kills Me" by Melanie Fiona-"And it kills me, to know how much I really love you..."