Hyperflex

I’m Amy and I’m a 3rd generation Asian American woman, born and raised in San Francisco. The Sunset district was my childhood upbringing, where I hung out with the neighboring kids back in the 1990s. 

My fashion choices are based on how the clothing makes me feel: expressive, relaxed, confident, and fresh. I especially love that streetwear is now in a place that embraces gender fluidity so Tomboys like me are less viewed as outliers but as females that are saucey flexers =)

I grew up in a low-income family, so I was only allowed 1 new pair of sneaker a year and it was conditional; I had to bring home only A’s and Bs. So I did not get to own retro pairs until I became the self-made person I am now.Throughout my growing pains, I’ve been able to reflect and retain that I value having fly shit because it enhances my self-assurance. Lol this however influenced my sneaker obsession which range from SBs, Jordan’s, and Air Maxes.

Lastly my IG is: Hellakicks415. I post when I feel like sharing so it’s a causally managed page. I was also interviewed for a “Spike Lee Lil Joint” a couple of years ago. It was for my opinion on Stephon Marbury’s new $15 kicks, and the interview took place at Sneakercon in Santa Clara. Check my teeny tiny response at 11:16 minutes https://theundefeated.com/videos/15-kicks/

What I cherish about being chosen for the interview is that the film maker wanted a female perspective. She explained that the sneaker culture is a highly male dominated taste and she wanted a female perspective to showcase. 

Overall, I’m a person who believes that self-care through my daily style choices is the best way to embrace self-love. Once you become aware of your worth, you can do all things. 

Man what a Time, to be Alive.

Oh shit. 2015 is gone. Done son. Too late for regrets. Luckily I have none to mention. So here goes my year in review along with my thoughts on trending shit that eventually got played out. Cuz as it goes, good things do come to an end. 

2015 was a year that a lot of bucketlist wishes came to fruition and good fortune blessed my family. 

1. My love finally found a job that fits his career goals and has a workplace philosphy and culture that is nurturing, familial and supportive of its staff. They have Happy Hours at their home-base and his colleages have no chill when it come to jokes. Yes, I'm hella envious cuz my 9 to 5 is mos def the antithesis of all that.  
2. We attended Wrestlemania XXXI. HYFR. That event was super golden to the both of us (me & my boo, duh!) as it fulfilled our childhood experiences and admiration of heroric fantasy role models. Its pre-event Wrestlemania XXXI Axxess allowed us to meet Sergeant Slaughter and Ricky "The Steamboat" Dragon. Those two definitely reflected how it felt to grow up in the 80's culture and as an Asian American child. Mr. G.I. Joeness instilled patriotic pride while Ricky never turned into a heel and gave us Asians someone to root for like a brother/cousin/uncle/dad. So when our turn arrived in their meet and greet line, I was ready! I mentioned to Ricky that I watched him when I was a youngin' and was hella devastated when his nose got busted (I didn't mention that part cuz it was traumatic to me at that time). He hella lit up as he signed my faux Championship belt. LOL my husband on the other hand straight up saluted Sergeant Slaughter as he probably felt proud to be an American. And as for the main event, that was everything. One fall Ladder matches, Iconic people like Sting, Brett Hart, Ric Flair, and The Undertaker were in the arena. Oh and The Rock, Sexy ass Beast. Truly we were happy being there.                      

3. We listened to hella good music. Eargasims and reminiscent moments of our adolescent were revisited when we attend concerts this year. SWV, Boyz II Men, Babyface and Outsidelands 2015. Weak in the Knees, Bended Knee, Every time I Close my Eyes, and Swimming Pools. Music makes me high. 

4. The Golden State Warriors VS Cleveland Cavilers, Game 2. My love has watched basketball before OJ drove his Bronco 35 mph and I became a fan before the Dubs unveiled their newest logo. So to attend the NBA Finals was mandatory. Jameson parking lot pimpin' before the game got us hyped and Finals photo opps as souvenirs was the real MVP. When we entered Roaracle, the energy was insane...LOUD, Proud and Strength in Numbers. And although they lost this game, the Warriors did it in 6 and made history for their team, putting The Bay on the Map.  

5. Can't Stop Won't Stop. Meeting writer Jeff Chang at the Asian Art Museum in SF was special because I ride or die for Hip Hop.  Although it took me 10 years to finish his book, it was perfect timing as the NWA movie was debuting soon, a huge Hip Hop history reference in his chapters. When I finished the book, I felt more connected to the culture's multiple aspects. For instance, listening to lyricism enables me to vent out the frustrations, anger and unwanted energies from my soul. Rockin' bold styles allows me to speak with all gold errrthang, Jumpman kicks, been trill shit and streetwearbles that satisfy my inner tomboy. And its hard hitting dance grooves always motivate and inspire me to always WERK. So meeting him and hearing his perspectives on Asian American maleness in society was epic. And we both wore plaid flannels that day too.

  

Finally, I'd like to sum up the notables and crazes of 2015. 

1. The Shoe Game became fun and dumb at the same damn time. Famous fictional Characters' wardrobe and sneakers were synonymous. Billy Hoyle's, Nike Air Mags re-release, and Marvin the Martian were nice collaborations. However, the Yeezy series was a Hypebeast inner adolescent peer pressure moment, (which I did try to take part in, mostly for bragging rights). Cuz honestly if Kanye was not the endorser, would Sneakerheads give a fuck about some What are Those!!!???  
2. Simplistic Urban Dictionary vocabulary was a social media and texting favorite. Tho, Fleek, Lit, Squad, Weekend, Yasssss, Nope, Yup, Slay, BAE, IDFWU, Basic, Lifestyle. What I like about these short response-hashtagging words is that you're concise, your typing skills are fast like twitter fingers, and you can sound somewhat coherent when you're drunk as fuck while socializing on your Cellphone. But you will also sound like a teenyboppin' ass fool too. 
3. Nae Nae and Hit the Quan. I'm guilty of doing both on the reg cuz I love dancing. No shame in my game as long as it's a part of Hip Hop. My favorite version is when The Rock kills it. 
4. 90's errrthang. From sneaker releases like Nike Huarches, OG Nike Air Max colorways, and Timbs to plaid button-downs. And many throwback artist have performed this year at award shows like Brandy, Tevin Campbell, Babyface. Also rappers like Fabolous, Diddy, and my love Drizzy have paid homage in some type of way if you follow their IGs. Sorry, but 90's culture was and is the shit. That's why Tupac and Aaliyah are resurfacing in the media.   
5. Drizzy. If you are reading this, I LOVE Drake. From him winning his beef with Meek, JordanxOVO, Steph Curry's #1 groupie, Future collab, runnin' through the 6 with his Woes, and Hotlinebling. He is my favorite urban hybridity of cheesy, kinda trill, fashion collaborator contributor, and dad dancing entertainer. Drake is cooler and does it better than Ja Rule. Yo Nicki, All Eyez on Drake. 

Overall, I've been blessed this year. I more calmer instead of going 0-100 real quick. My friends are my family and my family tree grew stronger branches. I've been able to cope with less alcohol and with more movement such as dance, hilly strolls, and neighborhood runs. And I'm pleased that there is less of a stigma towards mental health and moods, especially depression. From experience, its a bitch to go through it daily with it eating your inner-self. I've notice on FB that people are communicating to each other and supporting the pains that their sharing with each other. That's the bravest thing to do, to keep it real. 

As we all embark on a New Year, I hope that the trait of Bravery will be accessorized, encouraged, and awarded to all. Nothing happens overnight, but consistent perseverance can do wonders. One Love. 

Bronzed Out.

Finally got to break these kicks out. I love Nike Cortez for its classic HOMIES look, the sole teeth, lengthy smooth silhouette, and Forest Gump notoriety. Super comfy too. This colorway tho! Fuckin' Bronzed like how I'd want my baby shoes to be. Copper pennies, preserved memories, liquid eternity. I stay Stuntin'.

copp here!

#CarreonEverAfter

It was a privilege to be part of the most turnt wedding squad ever. Whiskey neat, Goose chilled, and Pepsid were all on deck. Traditional festivities were well planned and I got to reminisce during "Can't Help Falling in Love" & "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". And as one of the bridesmaid, I penned a short speech that was meant to show all that love will find a way to bond lifetimes together:

"By the design of the Universe, we meet new people on special occasions, between rainy afternoon errands, and during the ordinary work week. I was fortunate to have met Tabitha on a girls' Saturday night out. This meant that if you survived a night of her boundless energy, you've earned a spot on her guest list. 

Our unexpected friendship bloomed into the best familial bond as we grew closer throughout all seasons, For instance, during our throwback college days we lived on just love and cents. And during my melancholy, she was my diary and helped me write back my turn-up storylines. 

So while most people wish to hangout with stars, I only need the moon as it's like Tabitha; it finds its way to illuminate amidst the cloudy nights.

We all made an appearance tonight; from her large wedding entourage, beautiful supportive mother, family, extended family, and numberless friends, I hope you forever remember that this date is special as it symbolizes all the love we have for you. And thought the presence is grand here, it is incomparable to her greatest love above us all, Joe. She has given pieces of her heart to us, but does her whole heart belong to him, "After all this time? ALWAYS." This is because Joe is the person who will travel limitless miles, with or without his Hover Board. He is her savior. Joe is the one lifeline she'll ever need. 

Tabitha & Joe will always be my favorite Disney tale; they are a beautiful skip through time and became unbreakable. Now this is their happily ever after. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Thank you for including me in your story."

May the both of you create memorable reflections and always win together. "Where we're going, we don't need roads." 

Rich Bitch

I did my own nails with these nail decals from Forever 21. Its from their collaboration line with graffiti artist and Trap DJ Alec Monopoly. His artwork take Pop icons like the Monopoly guy, Uncle Scrooge Mcduck and my favorite dude, Richie Rich$$$. I already copped the jacket and graphic t-shirt from this line too. Now my nails are ready for this weekend's Vegas Turnup!

Get Richie Gear!

OVO Crew

Sadderday was easy to cope with, simply because those Jordan OVOs don't run in GS. Luckily I binged off of earcandy and dirty Sprite.

Skinny Pants and Some Vans

Werk Flow Mood: Vans Sk8-Hi MTE in Honey. I owned a pair of Tims which I cannot rock anymore cuz I love to skip, dance, and play in my shoes. So finding these kicks were heaven. Leather so soft tho! Now bring on the lumberjacks and boyfriend fit denims. Lil Wayne would be proud.

Music Therapy: Lil Wayne Right Above It -Call me Triple A, get my advance in advance, Amen. As the World spin and dance in my hands. Life is a beach, I'm just playing in the sand.

Music Therapy: The Pack Vans

http://www.vans.com

Many Clouds

I wore this over this past Labor Day weekend when visiting Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Mood was greedy...soak up every sunbeam, walk every inch of the boardwalk, ride every exciting ride (cuz those kiddie rides are lame), and breathe in the fresh sea escaping air. Also, getting more golden was so necessary cuz I don't wanna look white Yup in my white tee.

Graphic Clouds Tank from Ross
Faux Leather Dolphin Shorts from Forever 21 
Jordan XI Legend Blue 
Alexander Wang Large Sneakers Bag 

AMY

A few weeks ago when I saw Sam Smith perform "Tears Dry on Their Own" at Outside Lands, it reminded me of how many hours and on several drives I listened to "Back to Black". So over the weekend I was hella excited to watch "Amy", a moving heartbreaking insight of the singer's life. The accounts from family & friends reveal the tragedies and her non-sobering coping solutions when dealing with fishbowl fame and male disappointments & opportunists. She once kicked it with Mos Def and asked if he mind that she got high in which he responded, "Amy, I don't mind you getting high, but I mind you getting high". Its just too bad that shady males took advantage of Amy's desire for a loving father daughter and inconvenient love, all for money and affording a drug habit. Life can be a such a bitch. 

As she sang her songs during scenes, it showcased pieces of her poetry. When the lyrics flashed on the big screen, it re-stunned me as I heard her unique ability to pen love pains, "All I can ever be to you, is the darkness that we knew, and this regret I've got accustomed to".What a fucking gangsta. So pure and real the emotions she penned. Tony Bennett even mentioned that a real Jazz singer only likes to perform to a small crowd. And from understanding the experiences that Amy faced, that kind of intimate attention catches all the sighs, the woes, the glossy iris, and the sincere vocals. 

Being able to watch "Amy" also reminded me of the same kind of love I have for Aaliyah as August 25th marked her 14 year since her last breath. I LOVE Aaliyah. She was real, polite, humble, herself, and had unique talent. And Amy Winehouse embodied the same traits as an artist too. She didn't sell out her creativity for corporate sponsors, and kept it 100. Like when she was nominated for a Grammy for record of the year against Bey, Jay, RiRi and Justin. She totally clowned when Justin's What Goes Around...Comes Around was announced as a nominee as she mocked, "his record is really named what goes around. 

When the movie ended I thought about her possibilities. If only her father gave a shit about Amy as his daughter and really valued the love she desperately wanted from him. If only her man loved her like the queen she was to him and didn't use her as his financial pusha. And if only Tony Bennett were able to tell when he had the chance that "Amy, you're too important to be doing this stuff", then maybe she could've sang longer in a jazz club "just 'til these tears have dried". 

What Would Yeezus do?

Disclaimer: I don't wanna come across as a hater but at this moment in hip hop's life, Kanye is not my homie...I'm just very fond of twist on names, words, things and concepts so Yeezus is a mere referral to how I'd shout out my highest spiritual peer. 

Since I've referenced Yeezy, I'll also mention that "[I] came from the dirt, I emerged from it all without a stain from my shirt". My hell & back has and always will be the year 2003 when my god died. So as I drive down roads and contemplate which routes I shall pursue, those I love living in the sky ultimately become my guide. May trill by nature lead me to what I deserve which is best understood by The Outlawz: "you either ride with us or collide with us". 

Music Therapy: "They Don't Love You No More" by DJ Khaled- "Should be your favorite, now you're just hatin'. Shit starting to change, you want me to change, nah. They don't love you no more, they don't love you no more." 

11 years later & I still wonder if the World would've been better if you were here. I will forever hate October 19. 

Forever in our hearts, Sok Khak Ung. 

The Pursuit.

This year has been difficult for a lot of people I've been close too and causal with. However, one sad outcome has been the revelation of what it means to be down. I hope within time they will be able to move forward with strength, bravery and soul assurance. I've been there and had done a lot of spring cleaning which reminded me of these quotes, "Never regret the past, the only thing you should regret is the time you wasted with the wrong person" & "less friends, less bullshit. Keep your circle small". Real talk, as the exiters are usually people who aren't able to admit the truth when told all things real or are able to be a real person. And you may be the one showing them the door as a result of their fallacies, delusions, lies, exaggeration, shady characteristics, assumptions, and just plain crazy. These types of folks make u wanna go deaf so u don't have to listen to their irrationalities and selfish NPD conversations. I've dealt with plenty of them. Ughhh. 

Whack weaksauce people annoy me. Don't be Whack. Please. 

I've also learned this year a simple act of humanity. My BFF told me that people will believe whatever they will about you and there's nothing you can do to change that. This helped me see that sometimes you can inspire and prove points and other times you're just fucked. All good, as that's life and it reminds me that you can only just do YOU. 

As another year is ending that's worth reflection, there's always a bad with the good but I keeps my head up and focus on the great memories and people surrounding me. I've got such down ass bitches and wonderful familia. And a husband holds me like my favorite poetic expression, "If I were on the highest cliff on the highest riff, and you slipped off the side and clinched on to your life in my grip, I would never, ever, let you down." Happy New Year and keep the resolutions TRILL. 

The Month of August.

The month of August is not nearly over and yet sooooo much has been poppin in only 15 days for me...Finished an 11 day juice fast, was a part of a grand ass wedding party and celebration of love, party upped for my birthday 2 days in a row following turnin up for my BBF's birthday too and boarded a flight the very next day to Portlandia for a getaway. Wat a month so far & I hope I get to hibernate for a minute. Just lemme debrief the fond memories of my chaotic its a celebration bitches. 

On August 2nd, my love and I drove up to Tahoe to get Michael Jordan ready for our big sista's wedding. My love was the officiant and I was a bridesmaid yet our roles included being aesthetically on point for the bridal party along with keeping shit in harmony, marrying the lovebirds, and supporting anything the soon to be newly weds needed. I wore Jlo hair like the 2013 Golden Globes (google that bitches) while my love was dipped in CK and was ready to bring his Presidential orating game on. Our bridesmaid shoes were sole killas and made all the girls wanna bring bohemian swag back. I did several faces of the bridal party and made sure the bride stayed fly at all times...NO EXCUSES. And even after the champagne stopped bubbling and the sunset and sun rose East behind the mountains of Lake Tahoe, we were the last people to hang around the newlyweds to see them drive away together in honeymoon spirit. Even the Hot August Night cars had departed from that same weekend. Yet, we were just honored to be a part of the message that love will bring people together and nobody can't fuck with it. 

As the "Love takes Time" couple drove away in their stuntin' ruby Jeep, my love and I went to dinner before leaving for SF, which was the perfect way to remember the Tahoe's wedding. While we were waiting in line at the Harrah's buffet, we started talking to an older couple who we learned just got married earlier that day and were celebrating their new lives as one. Their story is simple: husband from Palm Springs was a widower and found a lady on an online dating site from Pennsylvania and clicked with her over multiple communicative means. After 15 months of dating, he said "baby, I got a house in P.S. and you ain't gotta work no more, just come live with me". Soon after they got hitched and we were listening to their happiness after all. From that short moment, my love and I both realized that Love is special, unique, attainable, worth sacrifice, rare, and completes people. It made us more happy for our newly wedded sista and made us thankful and blessed that we are truly in love too. Keep Tahoe a Blue Cupid. 

After such a beautiful feeling from experiencing the unification of love, I felt good about achieving another year. I'm shoe-fresh ta def, happy with the solid gals and homies in my life, and realized that my family are just the best. So since I already have it all, anything extra was just awesome. 

On my actual government bday, I was pretty basic...I ate brunch, went to the gym, and beat my face up with makeup for an evening at Raven Bar which had 90's nite, my favorite era in music. The 90's had Aaliyah, Tupac, Gangsta Ice Cube, 702, and Mo Money, Mo Problems. So dancing against a large screen projector of "Hypnotized" with Versace Versace Versace Versace and yachts was just reminiscently DOPE. 

The next day was perfect too which was my bday celebration with all my gals and homeboys. Still kept it Trill...hotpot and all you can drink beer & sake bombs and a Sunset bar to turn up the rest of the nite. All the people who said they would come thru did and thats the best to ever receive on yo bday, down as folks. Also, gettin boss Chanel presents aren't bad either. The most memorable nite was from 2 of my bestest friends; my girl from 14 years old and my homie from 16 years old. They proved to me how down they were and some. Upon arriving to the bar, my girl informed me that if her baby daddy shows up to the bar as he usually frequents it, she's gonna bounce in which I was mos def cool with. And as that markassfool strolled in, all my girls and myself used our bodies for a makeshift curtain and hurried her ass outta there so she could slide away. However, she came back 5 minutes later and told me that I'm her BFF and she should be able to party with me, regardless if her BD is bitchassness...So she stayed and I love her for that. And even though she had to deal with his deliberate attention seeking, proving that he a boss? and sloppily tryna gain props from other bar patrons, she stayed till it was last call. I'm lucky to have her as my BFF. 

As for my homeboy, I love that fool for life. He's the brother that I always wanted and in addition, my husband and him just vibe. He's our family and always will be my homie forever. As my husband called him when we arrived to the bar, he said sorry that he forgot that it was the nite of my bday and that he'll hang out with me next time. Like Weezy, I ain't go no worries and kept sippin. However in 20 minutes, that fool strolled in all fitted in similar fashionable pieces like me; I was wearing a faux leather overall hi-low dress and a quilted black jacket with Toro J4s...my dawg was wearing a leather snapback and a quilted leather jacket along with the red & black lumberjack ta match. Shit like that makes me feel that I am around people that feel one another on the same wave length. Just awesome. And especially since he had work the next morning, it means a lot that he came through. Turn Up. 

My other homies came through and made the nite crunk and special too as they always are themselves and always have a good positive time. And always my top hoes are always down and alway there...IRREPLACEABLE. 

Although the nite became a game of sippin water on the under and dodging half shots from my boy, it was just one of the best birthdays I had in my life. And what makes it the best is that everyone that celebrated with me that nite has ALWAYS been in my life during my grimy, broke, ratchet days till now. From '94 till infinity. 

My birthday celebration was off the hook and I'm grateful in which my Portlandia trip will be written in a few. For now, I'm still smiling from partying like its my birthday. 

Music Therapy: "Versace Versace" Migos feat. Drake- "I been so quiet, I got the world like “What the fuck is he planning?” Just make sure that you got a back up plan cause that shit might come in handy."

Sky is the Limit.

I'm proud of me. I just completed an 11 day juice cleanse and I'm living to tell about it. 

During the first 4 days of my cleanse I felt the food withdrawals like a chain smoker that can't find a way to light up. I started thinking about any type of food and I would Yelp restaurants to look at food pictures. Sad. I'd also watch Food Network and the Travel Channel food episode while I drank my green juice, in hopes to satisfy my cravings. I didn't feel too hungry as drinking lots of lemon water suppressed my appetite but I fucking felt madd deprived from eating. I blame my peoples in which I love forevers but fucking wanted to kick on the box for eating bomb ass food around me. I even went to a lounge over that weekend and I had to "turn down" both from drank and HYPHYness. Wack. 

After my days in Hell's Kitchen, I started to feel the beneficial effects of juicing. My energy was flowing and was on a daily repeated loop, my skin didn't need to get beat up with pretty making products as it glowed naturally, my mood was a very stable nice bitch IDGAF, and I could see a smaller reflection. But the most meaningful experience overall was that I felt awesome from detoxing and rebooting my body. 

For fools who don't know much about juicing, it's madd simple; you just drink juice. No eating solid foods, just drinking a veggie based juice with a small amount of fruit juice. I drank a recipe of kale and spinach, cucumbers, celery, apples, ginger and added cayenne pepper and coconut water. And a few days I drank a recipe of beets, kale and carrots with the pepper and water added too. And don't forget to binge off of water too. It's a major part of the cleanse. I even did some cardio and still worked 40 hours too along with hitting the weights...but it was a beautiful struggle. 

Although I'm finished, it's just gonna be a break and I'm not gonna take for granted my renewed self. So I'm mos def gonna eat more wiser and I'll even try juicing for maybe 20 days. No promises, just listening to my body's temple.

Thank you to all my friends and family and especially my love who always washed my juicer when I was sick of doing it.

Sippin' on some Kalezurrp.

I've been on my green juice diet for 5 days now and I wanna reflect on my experience. 

The first few days were very kind to me as I felt mellow, energized, and hyped that I'm getting brand new. I woke up and downed a large cup of lemon water to compensate for the Foldgers in my cup and I Zumba'd and did toning exercise afterwards. Then I got ready for grindmode for 8 hours. Surprisingly in 3 days, I had enough energy to exercise and my hunger was unnoticed. However, when shits too good to be true, Hell welcomes you with open arms.

On the 4th and 5th day, I started to miss food. This was triggered by many factors: my nurses daily lunch delivered by a hearty food truck, my Yelp researches for my birthday dinner plans, my Ice Cream Social activity in which I had to serve folks up with sundaes and my Love's natural need to eat a fucking drippy cheesy meaty overstuffed Great Steak sandwich while I had a cold cup of nothing. Luckily, I have wonderful Family & Friends that support my goal by leaving motivational messages as if they were watching me run a marathon. Oh and THANK GOD for Extra Dessert Gum! Root Beer and Mint Chip are my faves.

Six mo' days left of this shit and then I gets to EAT. Luckily it'll be on the day of my Sister's rehearsal for her wedding in Tahoe. Can't wait for her Wedding but more importantly, I can't wait to grub. Just joking fools. Her day is worth Hunger Games. 

Music Therapy: "Sippin on Some Sizzzurp" 3 6 Mafia-"I'm trill working the wheel, a pimp not a simp. Keep the dope fiends higher than the Goodyear Blimp.

We eat so many shrimp, I got iodine poisoning."

Rest in Paradise Pimp C.  

Go Hard or Go Home.

I'm gonna straight up juice starting today until my Sister's wedding (11 days) so take this as a fair warning. Side effects include Captain Bitch, depression, food obsession, zombie mode, hatred for beings that chew food along with friends that post pictures of their food. Imma be the bitch that kills your vibe. 

The longest that I've completed a straight juice fast was 4 days and honestly, I felt a mixture of intense calmness while experiencing an amazing detox that filtered trash from my state of mind. Although these sound positive, I'm madd weary of juicing for over 10 days like an addict feels entering rehab. I'm gonna have to dodge simple pleasures of cold brews, sodium rich carbohydrates, string cheese, and protein errthang. FML. Wish me luck and I'll journalize my experience to help me process my juicing drank in my cup.

Music Therapy: Goapele "Undertow"- "But I'm not ready to go.

About to ride that wave, Got me in your zone. Caught up in that undertow,

Baby you already know,

I know I should leave

But something won't let go." 

The Day My God Died. 07.13.03

How does a decade feel like last night? My heart still aches and I hold back tears from the pain of missing my father. I deal with it in healthier ways nowadays and I am thankful that my binge alcoholic habit has been killed and I'll toast to kale juice instead. I hold memories of my dad's morals, sayings, temperament reactions as I bleed my dads traits and I do the right thing as he'd want me to. That's the only way he's still a part of my life. 10 years ago at his workplace memorial, I was overwhelmed by the caring support from kind strangers. One lady had a moment with me and told me that even though he's not here, I can still be strong and do good for my life and make him proud of that. I took her advice and my spirit ran and ran and continues to run the infinite marathon of life. I'm not sure how different my life as just Amy would have evolved...would I have finished college? Would I still be friends with my enemies? Would my cynicism still exist? Over the years since my dad left, I've built the will to go hard all day. And its my experience with losing my family that drives me to climb. So even though I do wonder the "what if's", it makes sense that the universe has conspired for me to go through some Kite Runner shit and enforce the lessons that transformed me into a person that does not take shit for granted.

Psychology has suggested that girls like guys that share similar attributes to their fathers. I think that some of that is true and that some of the guys I dated were just stretch marks to their mothers' bodies. Luckily I found my love and I know my dad approves. He's my Space Oddity, hero, best friend and lifeline, like my dad. He respects me and values me as his rarity. My dad would have been happy for me. And though I'll always mourn my loss as faded pictures & memories are a constant, I will abide to the promise made for my father on the day he was called home.

My life Started from the bottom and I'm still here.

Taken Back.

I miss the Dave Chappelle days when Lil Jon was "OKAY" and Wu Tang diversified bonds. Its seem like nowadays, reality is a broken record and Avatar has caused a blue 3D pandemic. Gross. The Celtics lost and weaksauce Kobe Beef will never be well done like Jordan. I got love for Rondo and I want to Thank Drake now, not Later for the earcandy. Uncertainties surprisingly don't cause worries this time and excepting was hard but now feels so cool. Tomorrow will be tomorrow unless you refuse to leave your abode, so sweat shit out. Luckily, I can rewind and press play to watch yellow cake...don't drop that shit! Pizzease.

Music Therapy: "Thank Me Now" by Drake: "I'm feeling like Nas who am I to disagree, they say that doors open up as soon as you find the missing key. It's probaly why I'm in this bitch shining, jump up in the sky and put the stars into alignment."

G.T.L...Gym, Tan & Living.

Been away like Tiger Wood's wife but feeling like a kid who went to Disneyland. I've been around so many positive people this year that I forgot how the blues feel...If you think about it, green & yellow (blue + yellow = green), which are the colors of jealously and cowardice, all the little things that haters are made up of. But as haters keep stagnant fresh, I still rise, I get inspired, and I keep it real.

One of the beautiful things in the world is Mother Nature. She's calm, welcoming, moody yet inspiring, historic, muse worthy, and traditional. I got the opportunity in March to wander with my GPS and makeshift walking stick through Yosemite for the first time in my life with amazing company and a perfect weather forecast. We visited Bridalveil Fall, a cascade of natural purity that showered the bouldering enviroment into a slip-n-slide (I got to slide down a rock!). The myth behind Bridalveil fall is that inhaling the mist would improve one's chances of marriage, hence the name. We also visited the visitor's center in Yosemite because its what you're suppose to do, and we cultured ourselves in Native American history, its culture and its importance for humility and respect for the Earth's Spirit. My favorite artifact there was a teepee made out of wood as it allowed me to image myself as a mere individual.

After that manditory visit, we found our way to Half Dome, in which Native American legend explains its creation through domestic violence...a young married couple was arguing, the wife throws a basket of acorns (I prefer throwing my cell phone) at her husband as he was chasing after her. The gods, as a punishment, turned them into stone. The husband became North Dome, the basket became Basket Dome, and the wife became Half Dome. Cool huh?!?

But the BESTEST part of this blissful trip was when we hiked through a trail that had tunnel trees, a rooty enigma. Just in a flash, the seasons changed from Spring to Winter as we sloshed our shoes against icy cement like snow, trying to avoid slips, knee scrubs and the disolving light of the setting Sun. I felt like I was with real Stand By Me Gs...we stuck together with our walking sticks, and used each of our determination to fuel our energy and perserverance to make it out of that bitch in one piece before nightfall. Inhale cold air. Exhale colder air. The trail seemed endless like when your car gets stuck in the middle of nowhere and you gotta walk the road to find help. Luckily, we made it right when our shadows faded into the snow and when the Big Dipper was arriving. And we celebrated with mini burgers, Tofurkey dogs, Castle and Heineken beers, Jello Shots with OJ, and a great game of King's Jenga.

This Yosemite trip awed me. From the pimp ass Cabin for lodging, the devoted friends that we met up who waited hours for our arrival, Mother Nature's beauty, and the disconnect from the City's grind. I finally got the jumpstart much needed to get back on the healthy "do you" tip. I now run Kezar with my fresh grape Nike Frees, reap its benefit of having a terra cotta complexion, and enjoy the scenic contrast of urban and park life. It drives me to drive daily to the stadium to challenge my physical tenacity. And I love it.

As this year so far has showered me with trips to Yose, Disneyland to pay tribute to Michael Jackson's "Captian EO", Venice Beach, and Vegas with my down ass bitches, I consider 2010 my bucket list year...I met the muthafuckin Jabbawockeez, almost ran over the Kardashians, and enjoyed live performances from Pharell and Common. My wedding date has been officially set. And I still have 99 problems but fake bitches ain't one. These experiences keep on reminding me to HELLA reject mediocrity. Let's Ride. Pizzease.

Rainy Random Ramblings.

Now can you say "Toy Boat" 10 times fast? Hard. Well, fuck the rain. Where I live, the sounds of slippery wet gravel surfaced streets, and rubber tires are the background noise that sends my mind a go-go. I usually like to reflect on my tipping points but today's melancholic soliloquy will just be typed-out true revelations. SO, if you can't handle it, then leave Earth muthafucka. Now to get down.

I've been through my worst and my lowest points and now I shine. I earned every penny in my name and never backstabbed my girls and family. All I care about is honoring and respecting my dad and S.K. Only heaven knows. And only those who mind matter.

Fuck fake bitches. And yes, its plural. All they do is run fake verbal game to REAL people and then revert to their plain jane, copy cat, caddy, High School Musical, unoriginal swagger jacking boring-ass ways. Not even the magic from Magic Mike can save them hoes. Also, "Guys" are bitches with a dick (where?) too. Just be about your word instead of hiding behind facades. Nuff said.

Once you cut out the fakeness, the shallow, the lames, the weakest links, and the reality-tv aficionados, you can finally breathe.

Your health during your midlife crisis is gonna send you to the ER if you mistreat your temple. Thank goodness my moms has dodged dialysis. Although I have a very dysfunctional relationship based on my childhood, I will always do the right and honorable thing.

Neoteny should also include the evolution of behavioral growth...Master's Thesis?

Vibes, people's mood, their energy, and ulterior motives will determine whether its worth kickin it.

My girls have never let me down, even when I am sooo gone. I will do the same and will continue that habit.

When you tell one person all the secrets of another person and then become BFFs with the person you threw under the bus, then you'll get caught up. For instance (REAL TALK), bustin out that someone wishes she met a guy before her current boyfriend, agreeing that "she'd smash the homies", and blatantly expressing "she's not a good person"...Playing both sides will leave you with a hurt side.

Show gratuity through actions, don't just claim to feel it.

Everything is all only one's perception...Just because you think something is fly, it doesn't deem as true for the masses. Everyone percieves things uniquely, so being bragadocious is a waste.

Horoscopes have a degree of truth. The stars not only illuminate the night sky, but cosmic prophecies own a bit a history.

Realize and research your "Past Life". Personal characteristic traits, deep interests, your bond with your spirit, the inheritance of your relatives personalities, and the circle of people you gravitate towards are symbolizations of who you might have been in the past. From knowing, it can potentially bring out your best to shut hoes down. But don't quote me...its my interpretation.

These are just some things that rummage through my mind whenever I contemplate on random shit...I'm gonna dead the juvenile mentalites by letting the wind blow it away. In a week, I'll visit one of nature's precious parks. Can't wait to enjoy it with my favorite people, surrounded by vast amounts of serenity. Pizzease.

Music Therapy: "Drop the World" by Weezy: "I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes. Hate in my heart, Love on my mind."

When Smart Went CrrrCrrrCrrazy.

I've been avoiding my blog for several muthafuckin weeks. Creatively and energetically rained in. Consumed with an unidentifiably pursuitable ambition...Yet I still remain so fly. Reflections are the motives that hold my umbrella ella up-over my headaches. And my main man professes his fortune cookie philosphies that insightfully persuade me. So now I got my Scarface back, as all I have is my words & my balls. Let the Tupac in lotus form bloom and fade out the complacent mannerisms and demeanors. Its a never ending struggle and the battle will always surface...However, the manageble part is laying low and doing you, while the world still turns without progression and transformation.
So far, its been an interesting new year...I vented with the pen is deadlier than the sword and sinned in Sin City, where I met the mothafuckin Jabbawockeez...those guys are sooo swaggaliciously awesome and personable cool. My fam bam has been all gravy too...reunited with my cuzzos and my sista from anotha mother. And as for friends, my homies and my girls still hold me down in their own individual ways of our bond. No complaints there. The only thing I demand is that the world should stop fuckin with my girls and please give them a break...it hurts me to see my girls hurting from life's terrible tribulations.
As I slowly start my enigmatic New Year's reSOULution, I feel that my own pace, patience, and maintaining my ability to delay gratification, will eventually take me to my soul assurance. All that I hope for is Mr. Groundhog's emergence from his burrow so that the warm beams of the Sun can brighten up the gloomy storm. I've gotten over my uncomfortability and now I can write my thoughts and poetic justices. Pizzease!

Music Therapy: "Lights Please" by J.Cole: "The more I grow, the more y'all seem to stay the same...Don't even know the rules but yet y'all tryna play the game"