Taken Back.

I miss the Dave Chappelle days when Lil Jon was "OKAY" and Wu Tang diversified bonds. Its seem like nowadays, reality is a broken record and Avatar has caused a blue 3D pandemic. Gross. The Celtics lost and weaksauce Kobe Beef will never be well done like Jordan. I got love for Rondo and I want to Thank Drake now, not Later for the earcandy. Uncertainties surprisingly don't cause worries this time and excepting was hard but now feels so cool. Tomorrow will be tomorrow unless you refuse to leave your abode, so sweat shit out. Luckily, I can rewind and press play to watch yellow cake...don't drop that shit! Pizzease.

Music Therapy: "Thank Me Now" by Drake: "I'm feeling like Nas who am I to disagree, they say that doors open up as soon as you find the missing key. It's probaly why I'm in this bitch shining, jump up in the sky and put the stars into alignment."

G.T.L...Gym, Tan & Living.

Been away like Tiger Wood's wife but feeling like a kid who went to Disneyland. I've been around so many positive people this year that I forgot how the blues feel...If you think about it, green & yellow (blue + yellow = green), which are the colors of jealously and cowardice, all the little things that haters are made up of. But as haters keep stagnant fresh, I still rise, I get inspired, and I keep it real.

One of the beautiful things in the world is Mother Nature. She's calm, welcoming, moody yet inspiring, historic, muse worthy, and traditional. I got the opportunity in March to wander with my GPS and makeshift walking stick through Yosemite for the first time in my life with amazing company and a perfect weather forecast. We visited Bridalveil Fall, a cascade of natural purity that showered the bouldering enviroment into a slip-n-slide (I got to slide down a rock!). The myth behind Bridalveil fall is that inhaling the mist would improve one's chances of marriage, hence the name. We also visited the visitor's center in Yosemite because its what you're suppose to do, and we cultured ourselves in Native American history, its culture and its importance for humility and respect for the Earth's Spirit. My favorite artifact there was a teepee made out of wood as it allowed me to image myself as a mere individual.

After that manditory visit, we found our way to Half Dome, in which Native American legend explains its creation through domestic violence...a young married couple was arguing, the wife throws a basket of acorns (I prefer throwing my cell phone) at her husband as he was chasing after her. The gods, as a punishment, turned them into stone. The husband became North Dome, the basket became Basket Dome, and the wife became Half Dome. Cool huh?!?

But the BESTEST part of this blissful trip was when we hiked through a trail that had tunnel trees, a rooty enigma. Just in a flash, the seasons changed from Spring to Winter as we sloshed our shoes against icy cement like snow, trying to avoid slips, knee scrubs and the disolving light of the setting Sun. I felt like I was with real Stand By Me Gs...we stuck together with our walking sticks, and used each of our determination to fuel our energy and perserverance to make it out of that bitch in one piece before nightfall. Inhale cold air. Exhale colder air. The trail seemed endless like when your car gets stuck in the middle of nowhere and you gotta walk the road to find help. Luckily, we made it right when our shadows faded into the snow and when the Big Dipper was arriving. And we celebrated with mini burgers, Tofurkey dogs, Castle and Heineken beers, Jello Shots with OJ, and a great game of King's Jenga.

This Yosemite trip awed me. From the pimp ass Cabin for lodging, the devoted friends that we met up who waited hours for our arrival, Mother Nature's beauty, and the disconnect from the City's grind. I finally got the jumpstart much needed to get back on the healthy "do you" tip. I now run Kezar with my fresh grape Nike Frees, reap its benefit of having a terra cotta complexion, and enjoy the scenic contrast of urban and park life. It drives me to drive daily to the stadium to challenge my physical tenacity. And I love it.

As this year so far has showered me with trips to Yose, Disneyland to pay tribute to Michael Jackson's "Captian EO", Venice Beach, and Vegas with my down ass bitches, I consider 2010 my bucket list year...I met the muthafuckin Jabbawockeez, almost ran over the Kardashians, and enjoyed live performances from Pharell and Common. My wedding date has been officially set. And I still have 99 problems but fake bitches ain't one. These experiences keep on reminding me to HELLA reject mediocrity. Let's Ride. Pizzease.

Rainy Random Ramblings.

Now can you say "Toy Boat" 10 times fast? Hard. Well, fuck the rain. Where I live, the sounds of slippery wet gravel surfaced streets, and rubber tires are the background noise that sends my mind a go-go. I usually like to reflect on my tipping points but today's melancholic soliloquy will just be typed-out true revelations. SO, if you can't handle it, then leave Earth muthafucka. Now to get down.

I've been through my worst and my lowest points and now I shine. I earned every penny in my name and never backstabbed my girls and family. All I care about is honoring and respecting my dad and S.K. Only heaven knows. And only those who mind matter.

Fuck fake bitches. And yes, its plural. All they do is run fake verbal game to REAL people and then revert to their plain jane, copy cat, caddy, High School Musical, unoriginal swagger jacking boring-ass ways. Not even the magic from Magic Mike can save them hoes. Also, "Guys" are bitches with a dick (where?) too. Just be about your word instead of hiding behind facades. Nuff said.

Once you cut out the fakeness, the shallow, the lames, the weakest links, and the reality-tv aficionados, you can finally breathe.

Your health during your midlife crisis is gonna send you to the ER if you mistreat your temple. Thank goodness my moms has dodged dialysis. Although I have a very dysfunctional relationship based on my childhood, I will always do the right and honorable thing.

Neoteny should also include the evolution of behavioral growth...Master's Thesis?

Vibes, people's mood, their energy, and ulterior motives will determine whether its worth kickin it.

My girls have never let me down, even when I am sooo gone. I will do the same and will continue that habit.

When you tell one person all the secrets of another person and then become BFFs with the person you threw under the bus, then you'll get caught up. For instance (REAL TALK), bustin out that someone wishes she met a guy before her current boyfriend, agreeing that "she'd smash the homies", and blatantly expressing "she's not a good person"...Playing both sides will leave you with a hurt side.

Show gratuity through actions, don't just claim to feel it.

Everything is all only one's perception...Just because you think something is fly, it doesn't deem as true for the masses. Everyone percieves things uniquely, so being bragadocious is a waste.

Horoscopes have a degree of truth. The stars not only illuminate the night sky, but cosmic prophecies own a bit a history.

Realize and research your "Past Life". Personal characteristic traits, deep interests, your bond with your spirit, the inheritance of your relatives personalities, and the circle of people you gravitate towards are symbolizations of who you might have been in the past. From knowing, it can potentially bring out your best to shut hoes down. But don't quote me...its my interpretation.

These are just some things that rummage through my mind whenever I contemplate on random shit...I'm gonna dead the juvenile mentalites by letting the wind blow it away. In a week, I'll visit one of nature's precious parks. Can't wait to enjoy it with my favorite people, surrounded by vast amounts of serenity. Pizzease.

Music Therapy: "Drop the World" by Weezy: "I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes. Hate in my heart, Love on my mind."

When Smart Went CrrrCrrrCrrazy.

I've been avoiding my blog for several muthafuckin weeks. Creatively and energetically rained in. Consumed with an unidentifiably pursuitable ambition...Yet I still remain so fly. Reflections are the motives that hold my umbrella ella up-over my headaches. And my main man professes his fortune cookie philosphies that insightfully persuade me. So now I got my Scarface back, as all I have is my words & my balls. Let the Tupac in lotus form bloom and fade out the complacent mannerisms and demeanors. Its a never ending struggle and the battle will always surface...However, the manageble part is laying low and doing you, while the world still turns without progression and transformation.
So far, its been an interesting new year...I vented with the pen is deadlier than the sword and sinned in Sin City, where I met the mothafuckin Jabbawockeez...those guys are sooo swaggaliciously awesome and personable cool. My fam bam has been all gravy too...reunited with my cuzzos and my sista from anotha mother. And as for friends, my homies and my girls still hold me down in their own individual ways of our bond. No complaints there. The only thing I demand is that the world should stop fuckin with my girls and please give them a break...it hurts me to see my girls hurting from life's terrible tribulations.
As I slowly start my enigmatic New Year's reSOULution, I feel that my own pace, patience, and maintaining my ability to delay gratification, will eventually take me to my soul assurance. All that I hope for is Mr. Groundhog's emergence from his burrow so that the warm beams of the Sun can brighten up the gloomy storm. I've gotten over my uncomfortability and now I can write my thoughts and poetic justices. Pizzease!

Music Therapy: "Lights Please" by J.Cole: "The more I grow, the more y'all seem to stay the same...Don't even know the rules but yet y'all tryna play the game"

The end of the decade.

It is gonna be official...a new year and a new decade. I am excited, relieve and optimistic for 2010 (I call it twenty-ten) as prospects and possibilities are miles away from daunting. The trippiest things that has happened these past few weeks are soooo incredibly rich in meaning, value and insight...the other night, I watched the Mike Tyson documentary and recieved auditory greatness from big Mike. That film is a hybrid of sensitivity, passion, self-connection, and reflectiveness, which encompasses how I feel about myself. For instance, Mike's telling of his childhood provided insight to the tramatic motivations that produces strong personalities and self-worth...being made fun of for being fat, having your shit thrown onto the back of a truck by some bitchass bullies, and inhumanely witnessing your pet pidgeon's breathe one last time as a sick person squeezes its soul...fuck the dumb shit. Money is motivation but hunger to earn self-respect will drive anyone to the top..."If I could be like Mike". I was mos def reminded about my life history and the experiences that built my heart of steel magnolias; partly tough yet delicate. The past decade has reminded me of how I was built...As I briefly reflect and remember the past decade, I can instantly recall my high and low moments, the lessons learned from shady bitches and insecure men, and getting by through the two loses who were my love. And from my recollections, I am able to make the connection to why I shined brightly in certain aspects and dealt with the drama without backing down...I was the same kid who got punked on during recess and who's presence was never graced. That shit will toughen you up like a muthafucka. Once I reached a certain age of autonomy for controlling how people recieve and treat me, I never went back to the same timid little girl. There were times when I got knocked down and fell into despair, but it was shaken off within the reasons for time. Out of the past decade, I have done shit that I am still beaming about. I graduated college and even got the goddamn gobernator's autograph on my diploma. SICK. I brought myself back to life from the deadly alcoholic state that I was swimming and drowning in. My love that engages me has engaged himself to me. Family business will stay only a business until (I really silently pray) stars guide them to what they want and need. And friendships are not suppose to me complicated, competitive, and shallow. So for 2010, my forward momentum will always have a backbone of last decade + the little girl with the fucked up childhood = Womanopoly. Pizzease.

Music Therapy: "Money to Blow" Birdman feat. Drake & Weezy -"I am what everybody in my past don't want me to be".

Target: Where Philosophical Epiphanies Arise.

I never leave empty-handed when I journey to my store Target, especially this time. When I went there last week with my main man, I ended up leaving with a shirt from the clearance rack, eye drops for applying eye shadows wet, some snacks, and a self-created realization, free of charge. While we were conversing throughout Target's cosmetic section, the topic of mothers & body image/issues came up, coincidently, in an area where abundant supplies of beautification products are displayed. As I unhappily recall the negative remarks my mother made about my body's shape & size, I, with provocation, spoke out-loud, "Mothers are the poison to their daughter's self-esteem"...and its true. Can you remember when your mom commented, criticized, reflected, constructively criticized, scrutinized, picked-on, made fun of, poked fun of, and unintentionally hurt your feelings/self-esteem/self-worth? Obviously, I do remember. Whenever my mother made comments about my weight or what I was eating, it made me overly self conscious about how my image appeared to cultural expectations and Hollywood's expectations. And although I am wiser, college bound, independent, and self-surviving, the little girl's mental tolerance still exists. SO, as it might be projection, the reason for my mother's "worry" on how her daughter looks is still damaging, like air's presence to exposed steel. The only way I cope with the corroded pieces of my self-esteem is by understanding my mother's past, our cultural stereotypes, female objectification in society, and remembering my values that I set for my life. At the end of the day, when the lights are out, body image becomes only what you can recall in the light...if you see yourself in a positive illumination, a FUCK size charts according to a MANufacture, a unique & individualized illumination, then you are on the path to contentment. Am I on this path? Absolutely. Since I am generally most content with having attainable goals, and losing weight is part of a realistic goal, I feel okay...especially when its dark, as I still dream in color form. Pizzeace.

Music Therapy: "It Kills Me" by Melanie Fiona-"And it kills me, to know how much I really love you..."

All I Want is a Hoola Hoop.

It's holiday time now and what comes to mind are arrangements of bright twinkling lights from a color wheel, sugary goodies of peppermint & allspice, shopping, numerous ladies wearing UGGS, and the cold days and nights. Also, the obvious and pain in the neck thing about the holidays is shopping for presents that will not go to me...I usually feel perplexed, challenged and irritated when I buy presents for others because I do not know what is the "perfect" gift for the recipient...I know the thought counts but fuck Hallmark; presents make us happy, especially if its something we wanted and got it for free. At least as a savior, I have Secret Santa and White Elephant events every year to relieve me of this petty stress I create by being overly conscientious. But seriously, all I really want is a hoola hoop in the nonliteral sense. Because for this holiday year, I just want my main man, friends and familia to be all good health-wise, emotionally content, and presently active in my socialization. No shady shams and tragedies. Please. That's my spirit for Christmas. However, if I could have any sky is the limit gift this year, it would be a trip around the world, to countries that have strong cultural traditions, street food vendors, and gorgeous natural surroundings. In the meantime, I will continue to travel vicariously through Anthony Bourdain's travels. Pizzease!

Music Therapy: Boys II Men, "Let it Snow"- "Hey, it's another Christmas holiday. It's a joyous thing let the angels sing, cause we're together..."